Unequivocally Ambiguous

Humorous Stories on Parenting, Culture and Life

That Bimbo is Now My Wife. A-w-k-w-a-r-d!

by | May 15, 2024 | culture | 0 comments

Misunderstanding junk inside the language trunk

Photo by Honey Yanibel Minaya Cruz on Unsplash

“Even my uncle liked you,” I reassured Justine. She was my only guest at the party.

I only walked on graduation days because it was important to my mom.

I can’t think of a worse way to spend a good day. Who thought of these ceremonies? Teachers? “Well, they made our lives miserable for four to seven years; the least we can do is have them listen to three thousand names that have nothing to do with them in the middle of a hot summer day wearing garments they will only be able to use again at a renaissance fair.”

Besides, this was my graduation from community college. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it and then do it all over again two years later when I graduated from college.

When I told Justine, who I had just started seeing then, about the party my mom was throwing for my sister and me, she thought it was cute. So I invite her to come with me.

After the party ended, I told her everyone liked her, including my uncle.

“Really? What did he say?

“As soon as you walked in, he asked me, ‘Who is the bimbo?’”

“What?” Justine’s demeanor changed, and for a second, I considered that maybe I didn’t understand the translation of this word.

But how could that be? I grew up with Bimbo bread. What can be more wholesome than a sliced loaf of white bread in a clear plastic bag?

Well, as it turns out, I did not know what my uncle was talking about because ‘bimbo; does not mean wholesome in the context it was used.

Recently, my wife and I were remembering this incident, and we laughed at how little it applied to her.

“Totally. And it’s not like I fit the stereotype. I’m not blonde, dizzy, or volumptious.”

“I know, right, it’s not like…. wait. Did you say volumptious? Because if you did, I’ve been saying that word wrong for a long time. Not that I use it a lot, but it comes up. Does the word come from ‘lump’ as in Fergie’s song, “My Humps,” where she says, “My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump. My lovely lady lumps.”

“No.” My wife stopped me.”It’s voluptuous. I just made a mistake.”

My wife said the word wrong, and I don’t even know if there is a word to describe such action.

She didn’t mispronounce it because she pronounced it right but added a letter. She didn’t misword it because it was the right word. She didn’t misspeak because she had been accurate.

It wasn’t a mumpsimus, as she later admitted to her mistake. It wasn’t an eggcorn, a spoonerism, a Hobson-Jobson, or a mondegreen. And It wasn’t a malapropism like when Mike Tyson said, “I might fade into Bolivian,” or when people say, “Don’t take things for granite.”

She just added a letter to the word where there wasn’t one, and I don’t know if there is a name for that. Since I couldn’t find a word for it, I will just call it “to lump.” Linguistically speaking, ‘to lump’ means, from here on, adding a letter to a word that doesn’t belong there.

And she lumped the word. (It’s a thing now. Also acceptable: she totally lumped it; she lumped it up; she lumped it into Bolivian.)

But the fact remains, my uncle had called her a bimbo, and I thought that was a nice thing.

Somewhere before that conversation, I had heard the word, and without knowing what it meant, I assigned meaning from the contexts in which I’d heard it. I wrongly deciphered it as ‘attractive woman.’

I guess it was still weird that I thought that my uncle was complimenting me on bringing an attractive girl to my graduation party. At least, it was heaps better than what he said, which, let’s face it, translates to: “Hey, who is the dummy with the knockers?”

I married that bimbo, and I will forever be her himbo.

I have never brought it up with my uncle. Why make things more uncomfortable? Why bring such a thing up? Why not forget about it? As the saying goes, “Let vandals be vandals.”

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